Navigating Friendships with ADHD - Part 2: Building Friendships One Skill at a Time

In our last blog, we talked about the courage it takes to make a friend.

For many children, approaching someone new, joining a group, or simply saying "Can I play?" can feel overwhelming. That first step takes courage.

But making a friend is only the beginning.

Building a friendship requires a different set of skills.

Take Max.

Max was full of life and energy, and one of his favorite things to do was visit the park near his house. He loved being around other kids and seemed to make friends wherever he went.

One afternoon, Max spotted a boy kicking a soccer ball and ran over.

"Hey! Can I play?"

The boy smiled and nodded.

The two boys laughed, passed the ball back and forth, and seemed to hit it off immediately.

Then Max heard another group of kids playing tag on the other side of the park.

"That looks fun!" he exclaimed.

Without another thought, he took off running toward the group, leaving both the soccer ball and his new friend behind.

If you're parenting a child with ADHD, this story may feel familiar.

Max wasn't trying to be rude.

He wasn't intentionally hurting anyone's feelings.

He was simply following his excitement.

And that's often where friendship becomes complicated.

Many children with ADHD genuinely want friends. They crave connection and enjoy being around other kids. But building a friendship requires a collection of skills that don't always come naturally.

Skills like taking turns in conversation, staying engaged when something more exciting comes along, noticing how another person feels, managing disappointment, repairing misunderstandings, and following up after a positive interaction.

When we look at friendship through this lens, something important happens.

We stop seeing friendship struggles as a character flaw and start seeing them as a skill-building opportunity.

That shift matters.

Because skills can be taught.

Start Small

One of the biggest mistakes we make as parents is trying to help our children improve everything at once.

Friendship is complicated.

If your child is struggling socially, there may be several areas that need support. The good news is you don't have to tackle them all at the same time.

Pick one.

One skill.

One area of focus.

One opportunity to practice.

Maybe your child struggles to stay engaged in conversations.

Maybe they dominate conversations because they're excited and eager to share.

Maybe they have difficulty handling disappointment when a friend wants to do something different.

Maybe they forget to reach out after making a connection.

Choose one skill and spend time practicing it together. As confidence grows in one area, you can move on to the next.

Small improvements often lead to meaningful changes over time.

Practice Outside the Moment

Most of us try to teach friendship skills after something has gone wrong.

A conflict happens.

Someone gets left out.

Feelings get hurt.

Unfortunately, those moments are often the hardest times for children to learn.

Instead, look for opportunities to practice when everyone is calm.

Role-play conversations.

Talk through social situations.

Wonder together about what another child might have been thinking or feeling.

Approach these conversations with curiosity rather than criticism.

The goal isn't perfection. The goal is awareness.

Use Stories to Teach Social Skills

One of the easiest ways to teach friendship skills is to use the stories already happening around you.

Books, movies, television shows, and even real-life situations can create wonderful opportunities for learning.

When a character hurts a friend's feelings, gets left out, apologizes, or works through a conflict, pause and talk about it.

Ask questions like:

"What do you think happened there?"

"How do you think that character felt?"

"What helped repair the friendship?"

These conversations allow children to think about friendship from a safe distance. You're not analyzing their behavior. You're exploring someone else's experience together.

Over time, these discussions help build empathy, perspective-taking, and social awareness.

Make Friendship Visible

Another powerful way to teach friendship is to let your children see what friendship looks like in your own life.

Many of us maintain friendships behind the scenes.

We check in on friends.

We work through misunderstandings.

We make plans.

We apologize.

We reconnect.

But our children don't always notice those things unless we talk about them.

You might say:

"My friend seemed upset today, so I sent her a text to check in."

"I haven't talked to him in a while. I'm going to give him a call."

"We had a misunderstanding, but we worked it out."

These small moments help children understand that friendships don't simply happen.

They require attention, effort, communication, and sometimes repair.

Friendship Is a Skill

In our first blog, we talked about the courage it takes to make a friend.

Building a friendship requires something equally important: Practice.

The good news is that friendship isn't a trait some children have and others don't.

It's a collection of skills that can be strengthened over time.

As parents, we don't need to fix every friendship challenge our children encounter.

We can walk alongside them.

We can help them build awareness.

We can coach one skill at a time.

And we can trust that with practice, patience, and support, those small lessons will eventually grow into meaningful, lasting connections

With love and encouragement,

Coco & Vicky

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