When You Know Your Child Needs More Support at School
Day after day, you’re noticing patterns.
Maybe homework takes hours even though your child understands the material. Maybe they constantly forget assignments, struggle to get their thoughts onto paper, or fall apart after holding it together all day at school.
Or maybe their grades look just fine—but you know how much effort, reminding, prompting, and support it takes behind the scenes to keep those grades afloat.
You know something isn’t working.
You also know your child may need more support at school. But knowing where to start can feel overwhelming.
Does my child need an IEP or 504? Do they even qualify? Who do I talk to? What do I ask for?
The special education world can feel like a second language—IEPs, 504s, evaluations, eligibility, accommodations, services.
And here’s something important to know right away: schools do not diagnose disorders. They evaluate to see how your child’s education is being impacted so they can determine what support is needed at school. That distinction matters. A school's evaluation isn’t about labeling your child; it’s about understanding what’s getting in the way of learning and what support can help at school.
The good news is, you don’t have to understand all of it before you begin.
First, What’s the Difference Between an IEP and a 504?
Both are tools that offer your child support at school, but they work differently.
A 504 plan levels the playing field. It provides accommodations (extra time, preferential seating, movement breaks, reduced distractions, etc.) so your child can access the same education as their peers.
An IEP (Individualized Education Program) goes further. It includes specialized instruction and services designed for your child’s unique learning needs, along with goals and progress tracking.
You don’t have to decide which one is “right” on day one. The evaluation process helps sort that out.
Sometimes Starting Is the Hardest Part
One of our coaching clients—we’ll call her Maya—sat at her kitchen table one morning with a cold cup of coffee and a sticky note that simply said:
Call the school.
She didn’t feel ready.
She was exhausted after another difficult morning getting her son out the door. She had been watching him struggle for months and wasn’t even sure exactly what to ask for.
But she knew what they were doing wasn’t working anymore.
So she sent an email.
Sometimes advocacy begins that simply.
Put Your Concerns in Writing
If you suspect your child needs more support, one of the most important first steps is to email or write a letter to your child’s teacher and the school principal or special education coordinator to request an evaluation. You don’t need a diagnosis in hand to ask the school to evaluate, and you don’t need to have the perfect words.
Briefly describe what you’re seeing and why you’re concerned.
Maybe your child is struggling with:
attention or executive functioning
reading, writing, or math
emotional regulation
completing or turning in assignments
transitions or social situations
showing what they know under the demands of school
The important thing is to describe the impact.
What is your child having difficulty doing? What happens as a result? What support do they already need to keep up?
Keep a copy of your request and the school’s response. Specific timelines apply once a formal evaluation process begins, and those timelines vary by state, so check your state’s special education guidelines.
From there, watch for patterns. One difficult day is one difficult day. But when the same struggles keep showing up over time, that information can help you and the school better understand where your child needs support.
But My Child Is Doing Well Academically...
This is where many parents of kids with ADHD or twice-exceptional kids get stuck.
“They’re getting good grades.”
“They’re so bright.”
“They’re not failing.”
And parents begin to wonder whether they’re making too much of the struggle.
But a report card doesn’t always tell the whole story.
A child may be capable of doing the academic work and still struggle tremendously with organization, working memory, processing speed, written expression, timed work, emotional regulation, attendance, or completing and turning in assignments.
Sometimes those good grades are held together by an enormous amount of support at home.
Think about what happens behind the grade.
Are you checking the portal every night?
Reminding your child repeatedly about assignments?
Sitting beside them to get homework started?
Emailing teachers about missing work?
Helping them reorganize their backpack every few days?
Watching them come home completely depleted after using everything they have to hold themselves together at school?
Those things matter too.
Being bright and needing support are not mutually exclusive.
Help the School See What You See
Grades and test scores tell part of the story. You and your child can help fill in the rest.
As a parent, you have information that may not be obvious in the classroom. You’ve watched your child over time. You know what tends to trip them up, what helps them get unstuck, and the difference between a child who won’t do something and one who is trying but simply can’t do it consistently yet.
Share those observations.
Instead of simply saying, “Homework is a nightmare,” describe what you notice: “He understands the math once he gets started, but initiating the assignment can take 45 minutes and usually requires an adult sitting with him.”
Instead of “She gets overwhelmed at school,” you might explain: “She does well when she knows what to expect, but unexpected changes or multiple directions at once can cause her to shut down.”
Specific examples help the school understand what your child’s struggles actually look like—not just on paper, but in everyday life.
And perhaps most importantly, listen to your child.
Listening doesn’t always mean sitting them down and asking a long list of questions. We can listen with our ears and our eyes.
Listen to what they say in the car on the way home. Notice the classes they talk about and the ones they avoid. Pay attention to when they light up, when they shut down, what frustrates them, and what leaves them completely depleted.
Sometimes they’ll tell you directly:
“I can’t keep up when the teacher talks that fast.”
“I know the answer, but I can’t get it down on paper.”
“I hate when everyone else finishes before me.”
Other times, their behavior may be telling you something they don’t yet have the words to explain.
And when the moment feels right, a few simple questions can help:
What feels hardest right now?
What seems to help?
What do you wish your teachers understood about you?
Then listen.
Their perspective can help you and the school understand something that grades, test scores, and evaluations alone may never reveal.
When everyone has a clearer picture of your child’s experience, you can begin working together to find the right support.
Start With What You Know
You don’t need to become an expert in special education before taking that first step.
Start with what you already know: your child.
You know their strengths. You see where they struggle. You know how much effort goes into it behind the scenes. And you know when something that looks manageable from the outside is becoming increasingly difficult for your child.
Maya didn’t begin with a binder full of research or all the right terminology. She began with a cold cup of coffee, a sticky note, and the willingness to say:
My child is struggling. I think we need some help figuring out why.
Sometimes that’s enough to get the conversation started.
And in our next blog, we'll talk about what happens once you're sitting at that table—and how to advocate for your child while building a collaborative relationship with the school team.
Stay tuned for our next blog!
Warmly,
Vicky & Coco
This blog is for informational purposes only and is not intended as legal advice. For guidance specific to your child’s situation, consult a qualified special education professional or attorney.
PS: Click below to download your free guide.
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